Somewhere I Belong
by Shiny Ryuichi Sakuma
Summary: Ryuichi, treated as a prize to millions, believes that he is only a trophy to be admired. Stuck
1. Somewhere I Belong

Title: Somewhere I Belong

Disclaimers: I do not own Gravitation, Maki Murakami does.

Warnings: Male x male

Pairings: Ryuichi/Tatsuha

Summary: Ryuichi, treated as a prize to millions, believes that he is only a trophy to be admired. Stuck

somewhere between a child and an adult, those who do come into his life do not understand him and eventually hurt him. Enter Tatsuha.

Further Notes: This story is based on the Manga, though I've changed some scenes in order to better suit my story. Also, I only have Volumes 1-7, as 8 isn't available yet at my local book store. I just got a new computer and windows XP so, I dunno, it just looks funny.

And yes, I wrote the songs. :) Yay for me. Copywrite 2004. :-)

_Chapter One: Somewhere I belong_

Eiri Yuki roused himself from the tangle of limbs his lover had wound around him in the night. Making a face of extreme displeasure, Eiri replaced the duvet over the sleeping boy. He sighed. One year and seven months, they'd been together. It almost didn't seem real. He was never one for being monogamous yet, here this pink-haired pop star had managed to snag his heart. Sneering at his weakness, Eiri quietly shut the door so as to not disturb Shuichi. For ten minutes, someone had been knocking uproariously. Finally, after he realized they wouldn't be going away, Eiri grumpily decided it was for the best to just answer the damn door.

"What the hell do you want?" Eiri coldly snarled at his younger brother and older sister. He hadn't seen Tatsuha for some time; ever since that incident in which Tatsuha and Mika had caused Shuichi to be kicked out. Mika, he saw rarely. He was touched she cared for him enough to actually drop by but her annoying questions about his health were becoming a tad bit of a hindrance to his life. Besides, it made Shuichi worry and when Shuichi worried, he became even more of a pest than normal.

"Nice greeting, little brother," Mika glared equally with Eiri. "You know, you could be a bit more friendly towards your family." Eiri rolled his eyes. "Hn. Fine. Tatsuha needs a place to stay while father is healing from pnemonia. He's too much of a brat to be keptaround and only disturbs the peace. I've decided he's staying here."

Eiri's eyes flashed. "Thank you for consulting with me. So, the old man hasn't died yet? How unfortunate." The blond finally turned towards his brother. "Did you even get a say in this decision?"

"What do you think?" Tatusha inquiered sarcastically. "No one ever lets me do anything on my own."

"You're still a kid Tatusha!" Mika growled. "Here's his things," she shoved the two suitcases at her brother. "I expect to not find either of you dead when I return! Eiri, at least this way, you'll be taken care of more. And, I'll _know_ if you're doing what the doctors told you." Smiling cheshirely, Mika kissed Eiri's cheek affectionately. "This might do you good to have someone else around besides Shuichi. It's nice to have family with you," she whispered. "Tatsuha! You better listen to everything that Eiri says. Do you understand me?!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Tatsuha grabbed his suitcases and went inside, not bothering to see his sister off. "As dreary as ever," he remarked, glancing around the interior. "Where's your boytoy?" he asked, half-expecting the exuberant youth to pop from out behind a piece of furniture. Nothing surprised Tatsuha about Shuichi; he was definitely a different breed of human.

Eiri's eye twitched. "Alright, there's going to be some rules. Number one, don't mess the place up. When you do, clean it. Two, no one is going to wait on you hand and foot so get that shit out of your head right now. Three, curfew is one o'clock. Four, don't bring any of your sluts here. Five, stay away from Shuichi. Follow these simple rules and we'll get along fine." Eiri came to pause in front of a door. "You'll stay here for the remainder of the time that you're here."

"Gee, thanks, brother." Tatusha ungratefully threw his suitcases on the floor.

"I could send you to live with Tohma and Mika."

"Hell no! Don't do that!" Tatsuha protested. "Look, I'll behave. Just please, don't make me live with Mika! She's a hundred times worse than you are. She won't even let me drink and my curfew's eleven. Thank you, Eiri," he bowed low, nearly kissing the floor. "By the way, I'm hungry. Aren't you going to make you something."

"I live off of cigarettes and-"

"No you don't! You don't smoke anymore Yuki!" Shuichi yelled, coming up behind the brothers. "If you are, you better tell me or I'll hate you! I'll never speak to you again!"

"Is that a promise?" Eiri murmured. Shuichi's eyes watered, biting his lower lip. "Shit. No, I'm not smoking anymore. I promise." Shuichi appeared to be happy with that response and eagerly threw his arms around Eiri. Tatsuha sighed. Was he envious of his brother's relationship with Shuichi? Hell fucking yes. So what if he had more sex than most people did? So what if he'd once had thirteen girlfriends during one week? It wasn't like he'd ever fallen in love. He'd just never had the spark. No one had ever driven him to that step and it was more than likely no one would. However, looking at Eiri, it made Tatsuha believe that even he had a chance. Eiri, he'd spurned the thought of love for six years and then, the bubbly lead singer of Bad Luck forced his way into his life and Eiri'd never the same since. Tatsuha didn't know if Eiri ever told Shuichi that he loved him but, it was obvious Eiri didn't have to. Words were meaningless, after all.

"Hi, Tatsuha-san!" Shuichi grinned perkily. "Are you living with us now?"

"Yeah, I am. Aren't you observant?"

Shuichi smirked, not in the least bit offended by Tatsuha's sarcasm. Tatsuha had to give his brother credit; Shuichi wasn't the idiot he had been when they'd first met. He'd molested Shuichi because of his resembelance to Ryuichi Sakuma, the god of his idolatry. "You should be nice to me. I get to sing a duet with Ryu-chan today. I was going to invite Yuki however, Yuki's going to be busy today. How would you like to come instead?"

Tatsuha's jaw quivered with emotion. "You mean it?! You'd take me to see Sakuma-sama?!" He launched himself at Shuichi, knocking them both to the floor. "Thank you Shuichi-san. I'll never forget this!"

Tatsuha was nervous. Alright, nervous wasn't the correct term because at the moment there were a million troll's in his stomach doing cartwheels. He'd met Ryuichi before but it had been different. Mika, Tohma, Hiroshi, Shuichi and Noriko had all been there but now, it was going to be one on one. He glanced around for Shuichi, not knowing where the singer had went, only he could hope for that it had been to get Ryuichi. He saw Hiro and waved at him. Hiroshi was pretty for a boy and Tatsuha had confused Hiro for a girl when he'd showed up at Eiri's house with a passed out Shuichi.

"Oh! Hi! You're Tatsuha-san!! Ryuichi recognizes you!" Tatsuha turned around, heart pitter-pattering inside of his chest. Oh. My. God. This was Ryuichi Sakuma! Those beautiful blue eyes, so shiny and sparkling. Those gorgeous chestnut strands of hair that Tatsuha wanted to run his fingers through. Those soft, pliant lips that he wanted to lose himself in. That small, slender body that he wanted to hold and touch all night. "Are you alright, Tatsuha-kun? You look like you have a fever! I know!! Kumagouro will make you feel better!" Before Tatsuha could register a blink, a pink bunny was being thrusted into his face, the singer smiling angelically all along. Blushing, Tatsuha took Kumagouro from his god's hands. "Oooh, do you need to see a doctor?"

"N..no thank you Sakuma-san. Thank you Kumagouro," Tatsuha told the rabbit, cuddling him close. Hmm, it smelled like Ryuichi.

"Kuma-kun likes you!" Ryuichi giggled. "Do you like Kuma-kun?"

"Yes, very much," Tatsuha smiled. "Kumagouro says he wants you. He says I'm squeezing him too hard." He gave Kumagouro back to Ryuichi who promptly nibbled on it's ear. _CUTE!_ Tatsuha thought, about ready to melt into a puddle of his own drool. "When do you sing with Shu-san?"

"In fifteen minutes. Why? Do you want to get rid of me?" Ryuichi pouted, blue eyes shimmering with tears.

"No! Of course not. I just...I'm so excited to see it." Tatsuha sank down onto the stage, happy all over with Ryuichi sat beside of him. "I've been to your concerts before-" _Would he be weirded out if I said every single one of them?_ "But, I'd never thought I'd actually be up close and personal with you."

"Kuma-kun thinks you like Ryuichi." Tatsuha's eyes widened. Had he been leaking that much emotion during their short conversation?! He hadn't meant to let Ryuichi see the latent lust hidden deep within his soul. It would probably scare Ryuichi. It scared himself just how much he yearned for Ryuichi. All of his fantasies revolved around Ryuichi. "Tatsuha-san? Did I offend you?" Gone was some of the innocence, the azure eyes becoming a bit harsher, just like when he sang his music. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? For what?" Now, he was becoming confused.

"It's okay if you don't like me. I shouldn't have assumed." Ryuichi jumped to his feet. "I'm used to my fans adoring the ground I walk on. You're different. I like that. You haven't done anything my normal fans do. That's why Kuma-kun likes you so much!" The naivete returned as Ryuichi deposited Kumagouro in Tatsuha's arms. "I'm going to go sing now. You hold Kumagouro and make sure he has a good time or you'll both be answering to me. Wish me good luck!" Ryuichi ran to Shuichi, Tatsuha staring after him the entire time.

"I'm in deep shit," Tatsuha muttered, taking a seat in the front with Kumagouro planted firmly in his lap.

"To those who don't know, Ryuichi-san wrote this song for his secret crush!" Shuichi beamed at his flushed friend.

Two voices molded into one and Tatsuha had the distinct impression that Ryuichi was locking eyes with him the entire time; those eyes of pure ice.

{ Your hands make their way through my hair

Your lips barely move, whispering my name

Your scent mingles with the smell of candles in the air,

Just before, when we first met, I knew I'd never be the same.

The ghosting of your hands on my face, a consuming pyre

As your fingertips gently touch my lips

As your tresses of sable brush against my throat

As your body molds perfectly with mine

I always realise being with you can never make me tire.

Your body trembles while we make love

The exotic mocha hue of your beautiful eyes

Tell me all I need to know and so much more

Always, in all that we do, my heart eternally sighs for you.

Those delicate lips murmur in your tender voice, 'I love you.'

Days, weeks, months pass by quickly in my mind

That first meeting, those first looks, that first fleeting touch

I understand exactly what I've been missing.

Your lovely eyes are fearful, awaiting my reply

Your nervous, frightened, and waiting pain or bliss,

I curl my fingers in a lock of ebony, pulling you close to me,

I say, 'I love you,' just as we kiss.}

Tatsuha's lips were parted, his grip on Kumagouro almost deadly. Those lyrics were so powerful, so moving and yet so....familiar. Ryuichi had a lover. Why did that make his heart hurt if he was only after a quick fuck in the dark? He wasn't even aware of everyone clapping nor that Ryuichi was bounding up beside him. "You didn't like it Tatsuha-san? You didn't clap. Kuma-kun says you took care of him so I guess I can forgive you." Eyes crinkling merrily and cheeks dimpling, Tatsuha was hard pressed not to fling himself upon Ryuichi and ravish him.

"I liked it, Sakuma-san. Those words, they were about someone in particular?"

"Yes," Ryuichi simply stated, holding Kumagouro. "Someone...who doesn't know that I like him."

"Ryuichi!" a deep voice grated. "Why in the fuck didn't you show up lastnight?!" Tatsuha's fists curled beside him. Who was this stranger? He had to have been Irish from his accent. He looked at Ryuichi, not liking the almost beaten look on his idol's face. "I told you to meet me at my house. I waited for you for fuck knows how long. How dare you do that to me! You're damn lucky I'm even wasting my time on you. There're other idiots far more willing to please me than you."

"Ah....I'm sorry, Colin. I was tired and by the time I realized I hadn't called you, it was morning."

"Piss off. We're going," he grabbed Ryuichi's hand, Kumagouro dropping to the floor.

Tatsuha glared hatefully at the man's back as he and Ryuichi vanished. "Who the hell was that?!" he screamed at no one in particular.

Shuichi came over to stand beside him. "Ryuichi's main squeeze. Some actor in America. Colin Farrell, I think his name is. Look, I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm sorry I had to see that, now that I think about it. I love Ryuichi like a brother. It's hard to see him go through such a violent relationship but, what's done is done. Ryuichi's a grown man. He can take care of himself. Hey, you want to come with me and Yuki karoakeing tonight?"

"No thanks, I think I'll just veg out tonight." Tatusha picked up Kumagouro, holding the pink rabbit close. "Ah, I'm going to walk home. Later." Tatsuha frowned. Colin Farrell, huh? Who the hell was that guy and what right did he have to order Ryuichi around like some sort of possession? Who could possibly treat Ryuichi like that? He wasn't some sort of trophy. He was...perfect. Someone that you felt happy around when he was in your prescence, someone who's heart was made of gold, someone who didn't care about recieving, only giving. He was kind and lovely. Tatsuha sighed. "Being lonely bites. You even talk to yourself."

XD

My first attempt at Gravitation fanfiction. I've read the manga so much the spine and covers are wearing off of them. heheheheheh. Why'd I go with Ryuichi/Tatsuha? They're just so adorable together. Heh, Colin Farrell. He was the only guy I could think of to put in here. XX

Feed the author. Review.


	2. Starless

Disclaimers: All belongs to Maki Murakami

_Chapter Two: Starless_

Tatsuha sipped at his latte, leaning sleepily against the back of the booth in the coffee shop near his brother's apartment. One of the other customer's was futilely trying to catch his eye. He wasn't even in the mood to flirt; a rarity for him. Tatsuha sighed. How long had Ryuichi been seeing Colin? Another, even more burning question surfaced in his mind- how long had Colin been using Ryuichi? Did the Irishman abuse Ryuichi? Who in their sane mind would even _think_ about abusing Ryuichi? The singer was a gift to be cherished, not a prize to be thrown away when finished with. Tatsuha longed for the chance to be with Ryuichi; he would treat him right. Tatsuha's anger began to boil. How could Shuichi have been so nonchalant about his friend's predicament? It didn't matter if Ryuichi was an adult. He needed to be taken care of just like everyone else.

He glanced out of the window, the clouds overcastting that a storm was brewing. Tatsuha didn't mind the snow only, it made him depressed. Something about the domineering effects of it, how snow reminded him of his loneliness. The anonymous sex he had couldn't fill the void in his heart. He frowned, pulling his jacket around his lithe body closer. Shoving his pockets in his jeans, Tatsuha kicked moodily at a rock in his path. Life wasn't fair; he was beginning to figure that out quite quickly. It used to not bother him so much that his path was already made for him by his parents. Now, he wanted to pursue his own dreams. What those dreams were, he couldn't decide yet but he knew that Ryuichi was somewhere in those dreams. There came the oppressive melancholy.

"Tatsuha-san!!" a voice yelled, snapping Tatsuha from his thoughts. Spinning around, his dark eyes widened at the figure waving spastically at him. It was Ryuichi. Blinking, dazed, that the object of his turmoil was running towards him, Tatsuha could only waved back. "Hi! Kuma-kun says it's going to snow. That makes Ryuichi very happy!!" Ryuichi giggled, cuddling Kumagouro excitedly.

"Yes, Sakuma-san." Tatsuha glanced over Ryuichi, looking for any tell-tale bruises. He growled to himself. He couldn't see any but Ryuichi was wearing a sweater and jeans. Wait, there it was... A tiny, almost unnoticeable black-cherry colored bruise on the patch of skin on Ryuichi's stomach as the man lifted his pink rabbit into the air. "That bastard. Sakuma-san, this is going to be rude and you might think bad of me for asking but, does _he_ hurt you?"

Ryuichi paused, Kumagouro dropping to the ground. "What?" he queried, blue eyes becoming cold. "Why do you say that Uesugi-san?"

"I...I didn't mean to offend you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed, it's just, last night, that man treated you like you were, well, some sort of possession he owns. I thought, maybe, he hit you." Tatsuha swallowed the lump in his throat. _Does he hate me now?_ Tatsuha didn't like the shadows forming in Ryuichi's eyes. There was a hidden....darkness inside of them. It frightened him.

"I _am _a possession, aren't I?"

Tatsuha couldn't believe the amount of sincerity in Ryuichi's eyes. He actually believed it! "No!" he shouted, surprising and Ryuichi with the amount of passion in his voice. "You're not anyone's personal property. You own yourself, no one else has those rights. You don't have to put up with that shit from him. In fact, don't put up with it from anybody!" Tatsuha could feel his cheeks blazing.

Ryuichi looked at Tatsuha long and hard. For several breathless minutes, Ryuichi stared at the younger man. Tatsuha felt himself go even warmer beneath the scrutiny. Then, that brilliant and radiant smile curled Ryuichi's lips, the innocent version of the star returning. "Ryuichi thinks you're nice. Not like the other men that have been in his life. You make it shiny, shiny!"

Tatsuha's heart pounded in his chest. Ryuichi didn't mean anything by that, did he? Adverting his attention from Ryuichi, Tatsuha picked Kumagouro up and dusted him off the best he could. "Does Kumagouro think I'm nice?" he teased, holding the bunny from Ryuichi's grasp.

"Kumagouro likes you very much." Ryuichi's voice dropped to a whisper. "I think he has a crush on you. Don't say anything, he might get mad at me." Giggling, Ryuichi put a finger to his lips. "Kuma-kun says that we should go to the zoo!"

"How can I deny you anything?" Tatsuha murmured, gob-smacked when Ryuichi wound their fingers together. Oh god, this feeling! He felt queasy, faint, terrified and incredibly happy all at once. Was this love? Tatsuha had never felt love but, if this was it, he was more than eager to consent to being with one person for the rest of his life. As long as that one person was Ryuichi Sakuma. "Sakuma-sa-"

"No, no, no! You call me Ryuichi or I'll be mad at you!" Ryuichi pouted.

"I...I can't do that. I'm sorry."

"Why not? Don't you like me anymore?"

"I like you, a lot." _So much that is scares me but that's something you really don't need to know right now._ "Does it really matter that much to you that I call you Ryuichi?"

"I like for the people I like to call me by my name. It makes me more comfortable. Doesn't it make you more comfortable, Kuma-kun?" Ryuichi asked Kumagouro, holding him closer. "And, I can call you Tatsu-chan and you can call me Ryuichi-chan!"

"May I call you Ryu-chan?"

"Of course!" Suddenly, something wet splashed against Ryuichi and Tatsuha. "Snow!" Ryuichi screamed, laughing madly and nearly throttling Kumagouro to death. "It's snowing Tatsu-chan. Doesn't that make you happy? It's so shiny and pretty." Hands still entwined, Ryuichi started to walk away. "We'll go to my house!"

"What about the zoo?"

"Silly, the animals will go inside their houses so we should inside of mine! We can go to the zoo later." Tatsuha smiled, shocked that he was being invited to Ryuichi Sakuma's personal abode. Maybe, just maybe, they could hold the conversation he'd been wanting to have since the night before. He wanted to know who that song was about that Ryuichi and Shuichi had been singing. He had to know. Just so he could die in peace, knowing who the identity of Ryuichi's secret crush was.

Tatsuha's jaw dropped when they came to Ryuichi's mansion. Castle. Palace. Whatever. However, upon going inside, the interior was completely different from what he expected. The furniture was sparse and had a gothic flare to it. Tatsuha felt...overwhelmed in the place. There was too much space. Not enough homely touches, not what he'd expected Ryuichi's place to look like anyway. "Not much, is it?"

"Uh...no. I won't lie."

Ryuichi laughed. "It's okay. I don't spend much time here. I'm usually at the studio or Tohma-chan's. It's too quiet for me and Kumagouro-chan. Too quiet," he whispered, more to himself than to Tatsuha. "Are you hungry! I can cook!"

"I'm starving but, let me cook for you. I'm very good at it. Please?" Tatsuha grinned.

"Alright but you better no to poison me!" Ryuichi skipped towards the kitchen, Tatsuha following, a strange, wistful smile on his face. "You know what Ryuichi and Kuma-chan haven't had in a long, long time and would be so very, very happy if Tatsu-chan made it for us: strawberry mochi. I don't have any other favorite foods so you make what you want!"

"Okay. I'll make it for you. And for the main courses, miso ramen and okonomiyaki." Just as Tatsuha began to retrieve the ingredients he needed, the door burst open and a seething Colin Farrell was glaring daggers at both Tatsuha and Ryuichi.

"Ryuichi, I gave you one last chance to not displease me, but now, you need to learn who owns you." Colin went to slap Ryuichi but Tatsuha intercepted the blow. "You fucking cunt, maybe I should beat the shit out of you and let that whore watch!"

"No. You won't touch Sakuma-san again." There was a deadly flicker in Tatsuha's eyes. "Maybe, you're the one who should have the shit beat out of him. I won't let you harm Ryuichi. Why don't you go back to America and leave him alone? Any one that treats someone like Ryuichi the way you do deserves to be shot."

"You have a big mouth for a little brat." Colin smirked. "I like that."

"Stay the fuck away from me." Tatsuha shoved Colin aside. "You need to leave and don't bother coming back."

Colin laughed, winking at Ryuichi. "You love that slut, don't you?" Tatsuha didn't speak, anger raging in his veins. "Heh. Have it your way. I'll let you keep him for tonight, but the minute you're not with him, he's mine to do with as I please. Got that?"

Tatsuha followed Colin to the door, resisting the urge to kill the bastard. "No, you listen to me. If I find out you've even _looked_ at him in the wrong way, I'll put a bullet through your head and yes, that's a threat."

"You're feisty. Have fun with him tonight. He's a good fuck."

Tatsuha slammed the door behind Colin, locking it. "Damn him!"

"Tatsu-chan?" Ryuichi asked, staring at Tatsuha worriedly. "Are you okay?" 

"No!" Tatsuha screeched at Ryuichi, the older man holding Kumagouro closer to him. "I'm scared he's going to do something to you. I don't want to have to kill but I will. I will protect you. I promise, I won't let him hurt you anymore." Tatsuha gripped Ryuichi's shoulders tightly. "How'd you get mixed up with that asshole?"

"He was nice to me in the beginning. He saw me singing and he wanted to have me." Ryuichi sighed, sitting down. "I was lonely. I hadn't been in a relationship for three years. I...I just wanted someone to love me, is that so wrong? Then, the morning after, he was different. I've always been treated like that. He said that I annoyed him but that he didn't want anyone else having me." Tears formed in Ryuichi's eyes. "And now, you've gotten yourself mixed up in my business and I'm afraid he might hurt you."

"Ryuichi," Tatsuha murmured, sinking down beside of Ryuichi, wrapping his arms around him. "I'll be fine. I'm more worried about you then myself. Has he hit you before?" Ryuichi nodded, sniffling and burying himself against Tatsuha's chest. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I didn't want anyone to worry about me."

"I care- we all care about you, Ryuichi. Don't forget that. Look," Tatsuha gently titled Ryuichi's chin to force him to look at him, "I'm not going to leave you. If that bastard thinks he can intimidate us, he's wrong. Don't you know? I'll be your bodyguard."

"You'd do that for me?"

Tatsuha smiled. "You should by now, I'd do anything for you. Let's eat! I'm starving!" He hoisted Ryuichi to his feet. "Besides, that's what friends do for each other. Right Kumagouro-san?" Tatsuha kissed the bunny on the nose, handing him back to Ryuichi.

"Ryuichi says he should have one too."

Tatsuha laughed, leaning into give Ryuichi a tender kiss on the cheek. Ryuichi sighed, watching Tatsuha leave the room. He was so different from any other man that had come into his life. When he was with Tatsuha, the aching pain in his heart was taken away only to be replaced by another pain. A pleasant pain. Tatsuha was so nice to him and didn't seem to mind his shifting personalities, unlike the others. Perhaps, Tatsuha was the answer he needed but, what exactly was the question?

Rare for me to actually write another chapter the next day. :-/ Heheheheh. I'm on a Gravitation-high right now.

PlatinumMagic: Thank you! :) I liked my song. We know who it's about, ne? ;)

Jecir: I agree! More Tatsuha/Ryuichi! NOW NOW NOW! XD


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